There's something about the obligation to write in a journal everyday that is completely impossible for me to follow through on. Writing usually enters my mind at least twice a day but the nagging way my brain reminds me to write in my journal makes it feel an awful lot like homework and therefore a very low priority. Anyways I'm finally updating, thank the lord.
Where to begin, I can't even remember where i left off so i'll just start from the middle. So M & D are getting divorced and mom and i are moving into a two bedroom by hillcrest park less than 2 minutes away from the Ford house. The new apartment is nice, everything is bare which i love. It's very much a new beginning and a blank slate. I spent my first night there last night, it was nice. I knitted, listened to music, burned nag champa and read magazines. I felt so calm.
Just went to see a show at the troubador in LA, little joy. They are an amazing band which i just discovered from my friend gabe, they make me really happy when i listen to them. Also i ran/walked the LA marathon which was a fucking task that i was NOT prepared for. As a result my knees are messed up now and even though it's been a couple weeks, they still really hurt. I hope to be able to run without pain soon.
Fullerton College is going well, but i need to meet with a counselor to figure out what classes i still need to take, ah. I can't decide whether I want to do theatre or get into the art program at FC and maybe transfer to a design school. I just really want my career to be something that I am passionate about.
D isn't on my mind as much as he used to be but lingering feelings of nostalgia are still present and i still dream about it a lot even though i don't want to. I wonder if he is happy. I hope that he is. I wonder if we will ever be friends again? It's weird how you can get so close to someone--I don't think I've ever felt as close to a human as I was with D, and suddenly you haven't talked to them in months and don't know anything about them anymore. It's sad. I used to not be able to stop crying when the thought of our past came to mind but the tears don't come anymore. I guess it's been long enough right. heh. Also the fact that he has moved on and is in another relationship makes it sort of impossible for me to harbor any hope. I dwell on things longer than anyone i know.
On the bright side, I am so happy to be single and have no responsibilities. I haven't ever been single for this long and I LOVE it (most of the time). I feel free and lucky to be alive and focus on other aspects of my life. I don't even have any desire to seek out a boyfriend, and while i do miss certain perks of relationship life, i feel confident that things happen when you least expect them too. Ok i keep rambling, i better go do something productive, it's good to be back lj.